It’s hard to believe I’m packing up all your stuff in a box. We’ve been together for so long, it’s difficult to imagine a life without you. I admit, I never completely believed we’d grow old together, but I desperately wanted to. I always figured we’d die together, not like we’d drive off a cliff; maybe crushed by a giant fireball from the sky, something like that.
And no one else can believe that we’re finally calling it quits. Everyone knows how much I love you, and how much I would do for you. I would spare no expense to be with you. But the truth is I can’t take care of you the way you deserve. Part of me is glad that there’s a new guy in your life who’s more of a man than I am, at least, more the man you need. But most of me just misses you.
I have always loved you and will always love you. I love how we were together. I love the man I am when I’m around you and the man I’ve become because of you. I love how you make me smile every time I see you the instant I see you. I love how everyone reacts to us when they see us. Some people want what we have, some people are just disgusted, but everyone responds.
I especially love how you are with the people I care about. I love that the people who knew my mom are reminded of her when they see you. I love how people want to be around you even if they’re usually intimidated by you. I love how you are with kids. I love that people find you dangerous and loud and full of raw, unadulterated beauty. And I love that no matter what anyone said or did, no matter what anyone promised they’d do for you, you always came home with me.
But we’ve grown apart; far, far apart. We can go weeks without any contact at all. I’d rather be alone in my apartment than risk another opportunity for you to let me down. It feels like everything has become a chore, an ordeal; the little things turn into ridiculously huge things.
This isn’t right; this isn’t who we are. We were always about fun and freedom and unmitigated risk. We never thought to worry about what anyone else thought about us. We never worried about where we were going, just that we enjoyed getting there. But now we aren’t going anywhere at all.
Even just a month ago, I would have done anything, given anything to fix what was broken. But I’ve come to the realization that we can never have again what we had back then. I’m holding on to memories that I’m scared to let go of, and at the same time not making any new ones worth holding on to more. It’s not about the time and effort to make things right; I just can’t trust you to be there for me when I need you. Even if everything was perfect today, I know that sooner or later everything would fall apart again, and that the probability substantially favors “sooner” over “later”.
So this is the right way to end things: a hug, a tear, and a goodbye. I’m not angry with you, I’m just as responsible for where we are as you are, probably even more so. But if I keep trying to pretend things haven’t changed we’re going to wind up hurting ourselves and others in the process.
I really am glad there’s a new guy. I want you to be happy and to be taken care of and to make other people happy. There’s no reason for us to be miserable. Sure we have years of good memories, and a few bad ones thrown in there for good measure, but it’s not like we were married. I wasn’t the first person you were with, I can’t be upset that I’m not your last. So treat him well, you’re worth all the attention that I’m sure he’ll give you.
And yeah, don’t worry about me. I found a new little girl. Though she may be taking your place in my life, no one could ever take your place in my heart. No one could ever mean to me what you do. We’ve been through so much together, so many hard times together; I never would have wound up where I am today without you.
But where you were loud, she’s quiet. Where you were rough, she’s gentle. Where I cared for you, she cares for me. She’s nothing like you, but I would never have chosen to be with someone like her if we had never shared the past few years together. So thank you for that as well.
I wish this wasn’t our last goodbye. I wish that I could pretend that we would see each other again one day, but there’s no reason to believe it. I’ve seen you for the last time, and my heart has a crack that will not heal. Thank you with all my heart. Thank you for a life with you that was more than I could have ever imagined, more than I will ever deserve.
Goodbye, little girl. Be well, be happy, and never be good.
So poetic Dobs - Liza will love you!
So, how is the new Ride?
Posted with : Bare with Me
You never cease to amaze me.